When ex-beloved left us, yes “us”, almost 8 months ago, we had no idea where he went. As far as we were concerned he had no apartment, no where to call home. The only home he had, he had just left. I say “us” because while he left our marriage, he also left the children. His actions over the past 8 months speak louder than words. His marriage is over. He children are not a priority for him. I see now that they never have been. And it is ridiculous that now I would expect otherwise.
Unbeknownst to us, he moved in with his girlfriend. They created a love nest in her parent’s empty house, for at least 2 months. She also did not have an apartment because 10 months ago she left her 15 month old marriage. I know, you can’t make this shit up.
Eventually they created their own love nest. Ex-beloved told a not so believable story about an apartment that he was renting that was a good price for one reason or another. There is always a reason. I still can’t figure out the “apartment”. I know the lines he fed us were not true, but it is just so weird. In the end I think it may have been a summer rental? Or a weekend rental? While he told the children he was living there, on their first, and only visit, there were no linens for the beds. No toilet paper in the bathroom. All the while, I knew he was living with her, but he told the children that this was his apartment. And they believed him.
A couple of weeks ago he announced that he had to move out of his apartment as soon as possible because his supposed landlord was going to be selling it. All lies. Whatever. Anyways, he decided that he was going to move in with his girlfriend.
This is the same girlfriend that the kids have not met.
He is big on messages. Messages that I send the kids because I refuse to talk to him. Messages that I send the kids because I refuse to see him. Messages that I send the kids because he is the one earning the money which supports my job of taking care of the children. Yet, he fails to see his own messages.
The kids are not important to him. His happiness is more important. He will do whatever he wants to ensure his happiness with no regards to his kids feelings.
Now he wants the kids to visit the apartment. When she is not there. In two weeks time. To help ease the transition of accepting the new reality.
In theory I am ok with this. I think it will be good in some ways. The kids need to start living with the reality of the situation. Even though he makes his decisions with no regards or consideration of their reality. Their thoughts. Their emotions. They must face this.
But it will be difficult for the kids. He underestimates how difficult it will be.
I wonder how the kids will feel when they walk into the apartment. How will they feel when they see that there is not one item in his new apartment that belongs to his old life? Will they feel discarded? Not important? Will they notice that it is an apartment of a couple in love, with no children? Not lived in, not cozy. Not a place for a family? Of course I speculate. I have not been there. I never will. But at one point I knew him. I knew what his dreams were.
This is what he always wanted. A trendy apartment on the water. A view of downtown. Free of clutter. Free of life. Pristine. Aside from the few token pictures of his kids (have to put on a certain show), there will be nothing there to make his kids feel like it is home. It will always feel like her place. It will never feel like their place.
He fails to see the messages that he is sending to the kids. They are not the priority. They are not wanted.