Life is great.
It truly is.
I tried it on for size today when I ran into a friend that I had not seen in about a month. “How are you?” she asked.
I saw her tilt her head to the side. The question on her face before it left her lips. “Really?”
I was upfront with her and share my recent revelation. That I felt that if I said I was good, that I was condoning what has happened to me, and most importantly his behaviour. But really, I was good. The days were more good than bad. And when I think about it, they are mostly good. Only a few bad days in the last month. And none of them related to me missing him or my marriage. All of them related to our unresolved divorce agreement, and his actions, or lack there of as a father.
And you know what? I am ok with what has happened to me. Now. I am not ok with what he did, or how he did it, or how he continues to manipulate, and lie. But I am ok with what has happened to me.
Looking back at some blog posts last night, I realized something important.
While he was the one who left, while he was the first one to mention the word divorce, it was actually me, who asked for the divorce. I was the one who went to a lawyer. I was the one who had him served with papers. I took control of my future.
Was this what I had planned for my life? No. Would I take him back? Fuck no. Do I see this as a blessing? Absolutely.
I am good.