Love can mend your life but love can break your heart.
Every day I worry about the messages I send my children. I know I am under a microscope as far as they are concerned. So is their dad. Everything we say, everything we do, they notice.
They know that I have not seen their dad since June. They know that I do not want to see their dad.
While initially I did not want to see him because it was too painful, the days pass and our paths do not. We live in an apartment building and the kids are 12 and 14 years old. When they spend time with their dad, he pulls up in front of the building and down they go. When he drops them off, they come in on their own. It works. For them. For me. For him.
Back in July, I texted their dad to tell him that when he was picking the kids up, that he would have to buzz in and come and get them. They were going to be spending a week with him and they needed his help with all their stuff and the dog. I had everything waiting outside the door. I said goodbye to the kids inside the apartment. And when they left, I retreated to the safety of my bedroom.
Not 5 minutes later I received a text.
“It would have sent a better message to the kids if you had at least come to the door to say hello.”
Catching me at a very emotional moment, I lost it. I had just said goodbye to my kids for a whole week. The longest I would be away from them both. And he was worried about messages I was sending to the kids. What about messages he had been sending for all those weeks and months?
I ignored the text. While it rattled me, emotionally. I was ok with the messages I was sending the kids.
To be betrayed, hurts.
There are consequences to your actions.
It was not ok what their dad did. And I was not ok with it.
In this case, I did not need to be a people pleaser.
Of course I wanted to text back and rant and roar. About the messages HE was sending to the kids.
Lying is ok.
Leaving your family without trying is ok.
You do not have to respect or listen to other peoples feelings, especially your children.
He was happy in his new life.
He was choosing to not see the kids.
But I did not. And looking back on it, I am glad that I did not. (Un)fortunately, my kids are very in tune with the world around them. They see and receive all the messages. They are forming their own opinions. They are learning who their parents really are.
The good. The bad. The ugly.