Stuck today.

Residual feelings leftover from the other day?  Maybe.

My weekend did not go quite as planned.  It was fine.  It was nice.  You know, those two words we use when good doesn’t measure up.  When we want to be polite about something.  When we are disappointed.

Life is complicated.  I’ve been saying that for a while now.  Some days I feel like it is more complicated than it needs to be.

Simple would be good.  Simple would be a welcome change.

I would like to be done with negotiating with the ex.  I would like to be done with having to communicate with the ex.  I would like to have my divorce finalized.  That one last cord cut.

I would like more time for me.  So much of my life has been devoted to my family that now all I crave is time for me.  Time to do the things I want to do.  Even though I am not so sure what those things are.  Time for me to start building my future.  I just want time.

I struggle.  He left.  He has his own life.  He is doing the things he wants to do.  What about me?

This is not meant to be a pity post.  Or one seeking reassurances from all of you.  It’s just that some days are harder than others.  Some days I find it incredibly unfair.  And those days I just want to cocoon and run away.  Simultaneously.

What kind of mother has those thoughts?

Advertisements

One thought on “Complicated

  1. A mother who wants only the best for her children. A mother who is seeking both happiness for herself and her children. A mother who is scared. I will join you in your cocoon. Because it’s OK. It’s ok to want to just disappear. It’s only natural. And no I’m not giving you assurances for I myself am confused too…

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s