A year ago I had my life handed to me on a silver platter.  It was dented, and tarnished; practically black.  Engraved around the edge were the words, “I have fallen out of love with you and I don’t want to try.”

12 months

365 days

8760 hours

525,600 minutes

31,536,000 seconds

The number above that surprises me the most is the hours.  ONLY 8760 hours in one year?  It feels like there would have been more.  As I drifted to and from sad to angry to frustrated to hurt to abandoned, and back again, the hours piled up, one after another.  Looking at that dented and tarnished platter, the hours seemed endless.

8760 hours.

The tears fell and created small pools in the dents.

Sleep eluded me when it was time to sleep, and enveloped me when it was not.

8760 hours ago, he left.

8760 hours ago, my life began.

Not only have I come so far in the past year, but my life is…is…is so much more.

More.

More love.

More friends.

More support.

More strength.

More genuine happiness.

More communicative.

More gratitude.

More active.

More fit.

More.

The space from what I lost has been filled with so much more.  I look in the mirror and no longer see the dented and tarnished silver platter.  I see a platter that has a few dents, but most have been hammered almost smooth.  There are still spots of tarnish, but much has been rubbed away by love and support and resolve.

And the words?  They have been rubbed away.  All that remains is Love.

Unrecognizable.

Me.

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7 thoughts on “8760 Hours

  1. That’s amazing! Wish I can say the same. Mine is taking the opposite turn. I used to be strong at first, but now I’m just so weak. No energy. Achieved nothing. Nothing at all. You’re a great inspiration. Love reading your posts.

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  2. Thank you so much for that post. Having an incredibly tough week. Asked my husband again why he blindsided me with divorce and had no desire to try to reconcile. He said he didn’t want to try. I keep asking why and putting my worth in his hands. I am not sure how to move forward.

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    1. Stop asking why and start accepting what is. He will a) likely never tell you. B) what he says may or may not be then truth and will likely be more hurtful.
      The hardest part has been not having the answers. But eventually it helps to let go, gain some distance.
      And one point, 2 months into our separation, he ex and I were supposed to go to therapy. The intent was for us to talk things through. I realized I was going with a bit of hope in reconciliation. He was going so that he could tell me all that I had done wrong and put the blame on me. Or so I assumed. I canceled the appointment and stopped looking back.
      He cheated. Left. He abandoned. I started getting distance from him and it has helped immensely.
      Do I have the answers to the questions? Not at all. But with every passing day I feel stronger in my resolve that it does not matter.
      All that matters is that I know where I failed my marriage. I know that he left without trying. And he does not deserve my attention or efforts.
      I keep things civil. Only discuss the children. Always by email or text. The divide grows bigger each day.
      And each day I accept it a bit more.

      Good luck to you. Put your worth in our own hands. He does not define you. Not anymore.

      Liked by 1 person

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